None of us enters a marriage thinking that there would ever be a reason for divorce. It is usually something that happens to someone else but not to you and your partner. However, in life nothing is certain and some relationships are not built to last, and if you come face to face with the possibility of divorce, don’t panic, you are not the only one. In most developed countries divorce rates are actually increasing and they are reaching a 50% divorce rate. There are several things you can do to make the process less stressful for both you and your partner, and this is especially important if there are kids involved.
You can never be prepared for what is coming
You can think you are. You went over everything, agreed this is the only solution and began the whole process. That is the part of rational thinking, however, emotions are a whole other thing. You start talking about what’s next, from living arrangements to finances and assets splitting. In an ideal world, this would go perfectly, but we are emotional beings and so more often than not even the perfect agreements about all of the above-mentioned issues go down the drain. Now in order to avoid the messy part of the whole process, professionals like family law experts in Sydney, can help settle disputes and mediate the whole proceeding. That way you can have someone to rely on to help you go through this uncomfortable process.
It is OK to mourn
You need to give yourself time to deal with what is happening. You have invested time and emotions into this relationship, there are a lot of memories that bind you, some beautiful some maybe not as much, but still, you have shared your life with this person and it is not an easy thing to get over. So it is important that you give yourself time to be sad about what has happened and in a sense mourn your marriage. Going forward without dealing with all the emotions is definitely not the best options, because sooner or later you need to deal with them, and sooner is always better. And if you feel overwhelmed turning to a professional is always advisable, as a therapist might be able to help you understand the situation better and provide you with the right emotional tools to deal with the whole thing.
Don’t let others define you
Most people feel ashamed when they have to admit they are going through a divorce. They feel like failures even though they know all too well that there is nothing to be embarrassed about. They have done their best to save the marriage and it simply wasn’t meant to be. So now it is time to deal with the questions and the silent judgment. Well, first of all, you are not in any obligation to explain your situation to anyone. It is no one’s business but yours and your partner’s. So simply politely decline to answer all the why’s and how’s. You will feel a lot better, that is a given. Next, don’t put a label on yourself, your relationship status shouldn’t be divorced, it should be single. You don’t have to advertise, just tell it to people if you want to. Going through something as traumatic as a divorce should be a personal journey and you don’t have the obligation to share it with anyone you don’t want to. Remember that. People sometimes feel like they have the right to demand answers from you, but they don’t.
Don’t play the blame game
When something monumental happens in our life and divorce is as monumental as it can get, make no mistake, we tend to look for someone and something to blame or thank for it. So even an amicable divorce can turn ugly if you start putting the blame for things on one another. And you are going to get asked about it a lot, people always assume one person is to blame more than the other in situations like this. But as always it takes two to make or break something. So instead of looking for someone to blame try to develop a good relationship with your ex. After all, they are bound to have some characteristics you love, otherwise, you wouldn’t have married them. So focus on that, be cordial and move on. Stooping down to a blame game can be damaging for both of you.
Don’t expect divorce to be easy, even under the best circumstances. When we get married we feel like we are binding our life to another’s, and it is a really big deal. So now having to detach from that, and sand alone once again can be quite scary, but at the same time, if that is what you feel is the best for both of you then embrace it and find your way back to yourself and your independence.