Saturday, September 6, 2014

25 Steps to Potty Training

Potty-training, you either love it or hate it!  I have now potty trained over a dozen kids and I can say that this is usually pretty much how it goes for me.  There are those parents who never have to train at all and brag about how easy potty-training was...we secretly want to smack those people!  So, if you're one of those who successfully completely potty-training boot-camp in 24 hours or you happen to click your tongue and your infant pees in the potty, I'm happy for you.  No, really, I am!  But, don't bother commenting, I'm probably busy scrubbing the floor or singing the "poop goes in the potty song"!
25 Steps to Potty-Training - a humorous look at #potty-training {Mamas Like Me} - Yep, this is pretty much how it looks!

1. Read on Facebook about how so-in-so is now potty-trained and realize that your child is that age.
2. Get super excited about the possibility of being diaper-free (WOOHOO!)
3. Scour the internet for the fastest way to train your toddler.  (Who needs all 3 days?)
4. Rush out and buy every Elmo potty training book and DVD you can find.
5. Get your child excited about the idea of wearing BIG KID UNDERWEAR.
6. Create a sticker chart for every time they sit on the potty.
7. Set the timer for every half hour to sit on the potty.
8.  Set your child on the potty and pat yourself on the back for how excited they are to be on that potty.
9.  Wait....
10.  Read stories, sing songs, and wait some more....
11.  Believe your child when they say they don't have to go.
12.  Watch as your child pees on the floor within 5 minutes of getting off the potty.
13.  Scrub floor.

Repeat steps 7-13 several times.

14. Realize that running to the potty every half hour is a pain in the rear!
15.  Decide bribery is the new way to go and begin offering something every time they pee in the potty.  (This could range from an M&M to a matchbox car - American Girl Doll, anyone?).
16.  Celebrate like a maniac when they FINALLY decide to pee in the potty!
17.  Post to Facebook that your child is peeing in the potty!
18.  Realize that by posting on Facebook, you have now guaranteed that your child will NEVER pee in the potty again!! (Crap!)
19.  Spend the next few weeks trying to get your child to POOP on the potty...
(This may include any of the following:  begging, pleading, crying, yelling, stomping feet (yours and theirs), scrubbing messes, and tossing underwear in the trash because NO ONE wants to deal with that mess!)
20.  Decide that maybe they're not ready for potty training after all.
21.  Return to diapers/pull-ups and let them know that when they're ready to try again you'll pull out the big kid underwear...

22.  Take a deep breath and realize that they will NOT go to college (or Kindergarten) still wearing diapers.

23.  Within a few days your child will inevitably come to you and tell you that they want to wear underwear.  Put them in underwear and wait.  They will now pee and poop in the potty all on their own - and probably be day AND night trained!

24.  Realize that you really had very little to do with this potty training thing.
25.  Marvel at how stubborn  independent your child is and rejoice that you are now diaper free!

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